Last year for my birthday, my loving father decided that it would be hilarious to give me a very special cookbook in front of all my friends and brand new girlfriend in order to make me look like pervert with a penchant for cooking. This year I am going to do my absolute best to return the favor and annoy and humiliate him as much as humanly possible. These are just some of the worst fathers day gifts I could find.

1. Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralisers $13

Subtle Butt: disposable gas neutralizers (5 saving graces)

Giving these to Dad on fathers day is a sure fire way of letting him know you think he smells like poop often enough that it has become a noticeable problem that needs to be addressed. Or, to think of it another way, this could be the best present ever for your mother.

2. Man-Dex – Spandex for Men $20

Man-Dex Worst Fathers Day Gift Ever

Dear Daddy, you took care of me when I couldn’t do it for myself. You raised me and helped me learn all that I know today. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t even be alive. However, you are getting noticeably fatter. Hide it with this Spandex for men, Man-Dex. Sincerely, your Loving child.

3.  Penis Hiding Panties $22

These bulge flattening panties smooth’s and flatten’s the male crotch area to provide one with a much more feminine look. But Cross-Dressing Daddy should not have to settle for any old todger tuckers, no no no! These are not just any old penis hiding panties, these are touted as the ULTIMATE in the latest penis hiding technology.

4. Hair Cap $15

Flair Hair Gray Hair Visor

Ultimately you could team this bald mans cap up with the man-spandex from number two to send your old man a lovely message that he is getting not only fat, but bald as well.

5. Back Hair Shaver $26

back hair shaver

If he’s not bald, then he’s too hairy.  Either way the poor old guy can’t win.

6. Anti Wrinkle Cream For men $12

Anti Wrinkle Cream For Men

So at this point Dad is either bald or too hairy, fat, and stinky. We may as well throw in wrinkly and old to round it all off.

7. Old Man Stick Thingy $20

Old Man Stick

Because his back is the only thing that gets stiff anymore.

8. Potty Putter $19.50

Potty Putter

You want to give him another reason to stay in the bathroom? Actually on second thought, this might annoy mom more than dad.

9. “Absorbent Underwear” $1.20 each

Worst Fathers Day Gift Ever

Just to let dad know that his little “Night time accidents” aren’t going unnoticed.

10. An Anus

Anus Chocolate - Worst Fathers Day Gift EverThe chocolate that made Britain great, the edible anus, is made from pure belgian chocolate and is the best way to tell Dad to kiss my ass. It is available, where else, but from edibleanus.com.