Not So Friendly Welcome Mat

Go Away Doormat

 

Are you one of those people who always seems to attract the wrong kind of attention? I am always the one person who always gets bitten by the bugs at a BBQ, who gets a call from a telemarketing agency at the worst possible time, and I only have to think about having a shower for the doorbell to start ringing. Solicitors, Mormons, cute little girls trying to over-aww me into buying overpriced, dry rubbish biscuits, they all must have an in built sensor somewhere to let them know the worst possible time to start knocking on my door for maximum annoyance.

Go Away, I yell, in the vain hope that they will actually listen to me before they try and subtract as much as possible from my poor little bank account, but once they hear my squeaky little effeminate voice they know that they have an easy mark in me.

But this doormat, oh man, It sounds weird, but this doormat actually works. This doormat must elicit thoughts of a giant shirtless fat guy with a shotgun in even the most god-emboldened Mormon, because it sends them scurrying away time after time.

Be warned though, it is far less effective on the dreaded mother-in-laws. I am yet to find any effective repellent against those.