Pope Benedict shocked the world when he announced his resignation as high cheese of the catholic church. I was shocked most of all that a good Christian such as himself would be one to pull out early, but I suppose the thought of being known as Ex-Benedict was just too delicious to resist.

I spent the last decade working underground in the mines in Western Australia, Ratzinger (Henceforth referred as Ratz) spent the last 8 years in the Vatican. Odds are that there are more than a few things have passed us both by as we spent the last decade with our head’s in the sand.

The pope and I have shit-loads of things in common. Our Jobs require us both to wear silly hats, neither of us like using condoms, and we both like to shit in the woods.

I got out of the mines a few months ago and spent the last few months catching up on all the big movies ands TV shows from the last decade or so that I missed because I didn’t have any regular access to reliable Internet, or any form of cable TV. I understand that wouldn’t be seemly for the Vatican’s pay per view bill to include inflammatory titles that outrage the catholic community. Things that no man wants to admit he needs to watch but we all know he does.  Titles like as  “Naughty Nuns XII” or “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”. To help both you and I out Ratz, I have looked up the biggest and best movies, TV Shows and some music that we missed while we spent the last few years with dirt on our hands.

Movies

Batman Begins (2005) The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) – Holy shitty titties, your holiness, these are some great movies. Directed by Christopher Nolan (We will see more of him later, trust me) and starring just about every great actor in Hollywood (plus Katie Holmes), and unlike other trilogies the quality never depreciates over time. Best trilogy ever? Oh yes it is Ratz, yes it is.

The Avengers (2012) – One of the biggest cinematic releases of all time, the lead up to this movie was incredible. They made a series of individual films with the main characters from the Avengers (They even gave that weenie Captain America a go, HAH), then brought them all together in a crossover heaven with Joss Whedon at the helm. What resulted was a glorious frenetic orgy of action, explosions and comic geek orgasms. What was most surprising is that it actually had a good story. And Scarlett Johansson.

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (2011) – Some of these movies were absolute shite (Im looking at you Goblet of Fire you maggot ridden carcase of a film) pure and simple, but they pulled it all around with the last two, in particular the last one. Thrilling, well paced, and fucking gorgeous chromatography all of which is surpassed by the fact that the actress who plays Hermionie, Emma Watson finally hit the age of legality, so we feel a little less like huge perverts for jacking it to child actors on a kids movie based on a kids book. Rejoice!

Inception (2010) – I know you are a bit of a philosophiser and a thinker Ratz, so you really need to watch this. One of the best movies I have ever seen, Inception proves that you don’t need to aim for the lowest common denominator to make money (Which remind’s me, give the Transformers movies a miss, they are pure and utter horseshit). It shows what cinema can be.

The Hangover  (2009) – Yes its dumb, yes its silly, but you and I Ratz, we both know just how much fun going on a huge bender with some mates can be. Especially if they end up with you fucking with Mike Tyson. Im sure you and the other cardinals got up to all kinds of crazy hi-jinks around the Vatican, putting each others hands in holy water, slipping weed into the communion wafers and what not. Skip the sequel.

Casino Royale (2006) and Skyfall (2012). The last bond film I saw before Casino Royale was some ridiculous piece of cinema where someone got drunk enough to think it would be a good idea to let Denise Richards have a go at playing a Nuclear Physicist. Happily someone decided to remove the films from the side of utter ridiculousness and edge them closer towards the gritty, more realistic (comparatively) Bond from Ian Flemings books. Be warned though, while Casino Royale is good, and Skyfall is fantastic, there was a writers strike during the production of Quantum of Solace (2008), and things got so desperate that they let Daniel Craig work on the script. Sadly, it shows.

Up (2009)- A quick look at your Wikipedia page shows that you have only ever cried once in your entire life. Watch this movie to make it twice.

Next up, Television Shows the Pope Needs to watch