Never again shall you have to remain boringly sober at your Little League soccer games, art exhibitions, or the inevitable court dates that come from being drunk everywhere. Lets take a look at the top ten best Sneaky Flasks that you can buy, naturally, for under $26.

 Sneaky Flasky Underpants $24

sneaky underpants flask

Not only is the “Freedom Flask” a great flask with a huge capacity(32 oz, 950mL), it is the best possible way to freak out the guys standing next to you at the urinal. Invented by a graduate from, where else, the University of Georgia. 

 Beer Belly $20

beer belly 2 sneaky flask

Never again shall you be forced to endure another little league soccer game without a refreshing drink or 5 to take the edge off the pure tedium that is a game of soccer, the Beer Belly takes care of that with a thirst quenching 80 ounce, or almost 2 and a half litre capacity.

Flask Tie $25

flask tie

After a long weekend spent toting around the beer belly, it is important to keep yourself hydrated whilst at work. The flask tie holds 180mL or 6 ounces of liquid to help keep you going throughout the work day, whilst looking damn good doing it.

 Wine Rack $26

wine rack flask

It hardly seems fair to be focusing on clandestine drinking apparatuses just for men, so the Wine Rack is here to represent the women. A whopping 750mL (25 oz)  capacity will get you nice and drunk as well as making your boobs look huge!

Hairbrush Flask $25

HairBrush Flask

Keep your hair tangle free while you keep yourself filled to the gills. This is a great way for women to sneak a flask in anywhere, but the best sneaky flask for women is by far and away the last item on the list. Prepare yourself.

Sunscreen Flask $10

sunscreen sneaky flask

As important as it is to stay hydrated during the day, it is equally important to keep your skin protected from harsh UV rays. Just be sure not to mix up the real and fake sunscreen bottles, I don’t know how good sunscreen actually tastes but I can’t imagine that it is nice.

Camera Flask $14

Camera Flask

Why is my camera sloshing? Its the newest technology in, uh, instagram filters. Yeah, it automatically adds a liquid effect to all the photos… I swear officer!

Beer-Noculars $10

Secret-Binocular-Flask1

Why are my binoculars sloshing? Its new newest technology in, uh, binocular instagram filters. Yeah, it automatically adds a liquid effect to whatever I see… I swear officer!

Sneaky Shorts $21

Sneaky SHorts FLask

As far as capacity goes, the sneaky shorts are far and away the best way for non-boob or belly owners to secret a good amount of alcohol about themselves without having to piss it through their fly. 720 mL (24 oz) of glorious liquid can be stored in your very own sloshy saddlebags. Thats two beers or a whole bottle of Jack, which should be more than enough to get you through anything, even a Peter Jackson film.

Hammer Flask $13

Hammer Flask

“Why are you taking this hammer into the stadium?”
“Its a soccer game officer, Im going to need to be able to defend myself at some point”
“Fair enough, carry on”

 

And the number one best way to hide your alcohol goes to…

Tampon Flasks $10

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Tampon Hidden Flasks

Well, the women definitely win this one. This is the one place that a male security guard is never, ever going to look twice at. Combine these tampon flasks with the wine rack and there should be no sports game too long, no movie too boring, no more unbearably long car trips where you are totally lost and you both know it but he is far too stubborn to stop and ask for directions that can not be made bearable with your hidden flasks.

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Bonus Crotch Flask $24

Speakeasy Briefs